


The Rules of District Nine

by ThirteenthMouse6572



Series: The District 9 Rule Board [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Idk what to tag this as, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, i guess, its all told through the district nine rule board
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-10 15:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12301965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenthMouse6572/pseuds/ThirteenthMouse6572
Summary: the adventures of the elders of district nine, as told through the district nine rule board





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> please don’t question how big this whiteboard is or why the ‘rule’ board is on elder church and elder michael’s door

**~ The District Nine Rule Board ~**

1: Please ignore Elder Davis. His favourite food is cereal with mini marshmallows (NOT Lucky Charms) so give that to him if his yelling gets louder

2: Bedtime is at 9:00 pm  
_Don’t tell me what to do mom - PT_

3: Whoever stole Elder Church’s pants needs to give them back please  
_No. - PT_

4: Late night snacking is a sign of glubbony

5: I’M ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS Y’ALL!!  
\- neeley

6: Don’t eat Elder Thomas’s Poptarts or you WILL regret it

7: Kevin pretends he’s straight but we all know that’s a lie, Kevin

8: Don’t make fun of Arnold’s religion

9: Arnold is a gift so don’t make fun of him at all otherwise you will get punched

10: CONNOR MCKINLEY IS IN LOVE WITH KEVIN PRICE  
_NO I’M NOT JAMES_

11: Don’t write on the rule board in permanent marker James

12: Kevin + Connor 4eva

13: James that isn’t even a rule also stop writing in permanent marker you ass

14: Elder Church is allowed to write on the board in permanent marker

15: Ignore rule 14 because he isn’t allowed to write on the board ever again

16: fuck you mom #reble

17: Elder Church can’t spell rebel right

18: can someone buy milk we’re all out  
\- neeley

19: The board isn’t a shopping list, but we also need Poptarts because I’m running out - PT

20: We literally bought 5 boxes yesterday where’d they all go?

21: In ma belly - PT

22: Poptarts isn’t allowed to write or say ‘in ma belly’ ever again

23: r00d - PT

24: Elder Thomas is hereby banned from using the computer ever again

25: Wow fuk u 2 - PT

26: Elder Thomas is hereby banned from writing on the rule board ever again

27: Can I join James’ #rebel squad? - PT

28: It’s actually #reble but sure

29: Thanks James - PT

30: No problem

31: JAMES STOP WRITING ON THE BOARD IN PERMANENT MARKER JUST BECAUSE ITS PURPLE DOESNT MAKE IT ANY BETTER

32: Hey Elder McKinley, can I speak to you? - K. Price

33: This isn’t a message board Price it’s a rule board

34: You can’t say anything James. And sure Kevin I’ll be right there

35: If this is a rule board, then: Nobody is to bring up the fact that Elder Price’s younger brother is being sent here to Elder Price

36: That’s the worst thing to write because he’s going to see that - PT

37: He’s what?! - K. Price

38: Told you - PT

39: Yeah the mission president sent a letter to those other two missionaries we got a month or so ago

40: Brown and Davies? - PT

41: Yeah them

42: Can someone tell me why my brother is coming to Uganda of all places? - K. Price

43: I’m not sure but he and his mission companion are going to have to deal with us breaking all the rules by swearing a lot

44: I’m surprised that there’s only one and a half instances of swearing on this board - PT

45: One and a half? - K. Price

46: I wrote fuk and I counted it as a half - PT

47: Now there’s 2

48: We should probably rub all this off before he gets here - K. Price

49: Nah, it’ll be funny

50: Too late nobody rubbed it off and he’s here now

51: It’s been like two weeks since we said we should rub this off and nobody did - PT

52: Someone tell Kevin to hide because Connor’s meeting them along with Brown

53: Is anyone going to ask Brown what his first name is? - PT

54: I’m pretty sure it’s the same as some sort of motorcycle??

55: Yamaha - PT

56: That’s not his name but it’s what I’m gonna call him from now on

57: Elder Thomas how do you know motorcycle brands?

58: Ohhhh you’ve just gotten the ‘Elder’ treatment

59: I own one - PT

60: Also it’s probably because Elder Price’s younger brother is even more Mormon Boy™ than he is and we should just ease him into the fact that we shouldn’t be living here and that we’ve broken at least half the rules definitely more - PT

61: You own a motorcycle?

62: Yeah, so does Yamaha - PT

63: Yamaha is a motorcycle brand, of course they own motorcycles - K. Price

64: Oh you meant Elder Brown - K. Price

65: Elder Price! You’re back! - PT

66: I never left? - K. Price

67: He means you’re back to writing on the rule board

68: I just hope my brother doesn’t find this - K. Price

69: It’s pretty obvious but he really has no reason to be at this door because his room is before this one - PT

70: Can someone bring dinner to me because I want to avoid my brother as long as I can - K. Price

71: Also some coffee. Thanks - K. Price

72: Kevin’s brother is not allowed past Elder Thomas’ and Elder McKinley’s door

**73: Use the thicker marker for rules and the other colours for not-rules**

74: The thicc marker

75: Elder McKinley knows everyone’s handwriting so even if nobody signs their message he’ll still know who wrote it

76: There’s a bet between Elder Thomas and Elder Church on when Elder McKinley is going to ask Elder Price out and the current value is $100, three (3) goats and one (1) cherry blossom tree

**77: There’s a what now? - K. Price**

78: Elder Price is not exempt from rule 73 and still has to use the other markers for not-rules

**79: If Elder Price (the not-Kevin one) asks why he isn’t allowed to look in the top cupboard tell him that there’s spiders in there because he hates them - K. Price**

**80: If the not-Kevin Elder Price asks why Kevin Elder Price’s door is always closed please tell him that his brother is in there it’ll be hilarious**

81: Ignore rule 80 - K. Price

82: Someone find out what Elder Price’s younger brother’s name is - PT

83: It’s Jack - K. Price

84: Don’t tell Jack that Kevin livfuck hes se enme hE LP

85: JP is not allowed into the kitchen anymore after he almost blew up the microwave

**86: Foil and cutlery is not allowed in the microwave because someone might blow it up**

**87: It’s been a while since anyone has communicated with Kevin Price, although we know he is not dead because he has eaten food in his room that was delivered to him on a plate**

88: That’s not a rule, don’t use the rule marker for that

**89: Continue giving Kevin Price food on plates and drinks in the ‘Nobody Knows I’m Gay’ mug**

**90: Do not use the Nobody Knows I’m Gay mug use something else**

91: USE THE HANNAH MONTANA MUG - PT

**92: Mugs are greatly appreciated Christmas and birthday gifts**

93: we’ve run out of cereal and mini marshmallows and elder davis has raised his monotone yell someone buy some please - neeley

**94: Stop asking Elder McKinley for tap dancing lessons (especially in front of J. Price)**

**95: Call Jack Price Elder JP because it’s strange to call him Elder Price**

**96: Alternatively, call Kevin Price ‘Kevin’**

97: HE LIVES - PT

**98: Kevin is now banned from the bedrooms from 9 am - 9 pm**

99: Kevin Price is swapping bedrooms with Elder Thomas because he and Elder McKinley need to talk about things

100: WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT JACK PRICE GOING PAST ELDER THOMAS AND ELDER MCKINLEY’S DOOR


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they get a new whiteboard that lasts 2 minutes

101: Elder McKinley is probably going to rub all this off and start another rule board

102: Elder Thomas says that we should just put a proper rule board up near the front door

103: Elder Church advises we just take down this one and cherish it forever

104: Elder Thomas has taken pictures every day for the updates don’t worry about it

105: Elder Price will order another one for you guys because we’re running out of space

106: Elder Davies is wondering which Elder Price that is

107: AYYY ELDER DAVIES WHAT UP - PT

108: Kevin Price is ordering a new whiteboard now

109: This isn’t Facebook you don’t have to write your status here Elder Price

110: Kevin Price has ordered the whiteboard it should be here in ~ a month

111: Don’t write on the whiteboard for a month and Elder McKinley will give everyone $20 to order whatever they want online

112: Okay

113: Elder Thomas isn’t getting $20

114: :((((((((

115: Fine, no writing on the board from now until the new board gets here. Elder Thomas gets $20 if he abides by these rules

116: ELDER DAVIS HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT

117: Elder Davis only gets up at midnight - Schrader

118: Wait what the hell when do you two write on the board - PT

119: Since today. Might want to ask Davis what his announcement is - Schrader

120: Oh yeah. Davis what’s your announcement?? - PT

121: SCHRADER AND I ARE DATING!!!

122: OH! - PT

123: NICE - K. Price

124: I KNOW!!! I LOVE HIM!!!

125: Davis you can’t write in permanent marker on the whiteboard it lasts forever - Schrader

126: IT REPRESENTS MY LOVE FOR YOU

127: ??? - Schrader

128: IT LASTS FOREVER

129: You’re such a dork. I love you too <3 - Schrader

130: Okay that’s pretty cute but none of you are getting $20 now it’s only Elder Church

131: Yeah! Fuck you guys!

132: Wait

133: Shit

134: Get fucked James

135: Shut up Christopher

** The NEW District Nine Rule Board **

1: Bedtime is by 9:00 pm

2: Elder Davis likes cornflakes with mini marshmallows (NOT Lucky Charms) and will have those for breakfast

3: Do not put foil or cutlery in the microwave or it might blow up

4: Do not eat Elder Thomas’ Poptarts

5: Neely is allergic to nuts don’t give him any

6: Connor McKinley isn’t district leader anymore stop going to him for shopping lists go to Elder Brown

7: For All Original District Members: Do not swear

8: Elder Price 2.0 is not allowed in the top shelf cupboard or past Elder McKinley and Elder Price’s room

9: Don’t call Elder Price ‘Elder Price 2.0’

10: Don’t add unauthorised rules to the rule board

11: don’t ask neeley what his name is

12: Please read rule 10 before adding anything

13: Someone ask Elder Price’s mission conpanion what his name is because I’ve forgotten - PT

14: Okay the rule board is getting taken down someone get Elder Church to put the old board back again

** The OLD District Nine Rule Board **

136: I’ve changed the name of it - PT

137: We know Elder Thomas

138: wait who tf is that - neeley

139: Not sure, I don’t recognise the handwriting

140: It’s me - J. Price

141: FUCK - K. Price

142: I’m telling mom - J. Price

143: I don’t think mom gives a shit anymore - K. Price

144: i’m your mom now - neeley

145: Shut up mum don’t tell us what to do - Prices

146: I didn’t write that - K. Price

147: Neither did I - J. Price

148: It was me - Yamaha

149: Why the fuck do you spell it mum - PT

150: I’m fucking Australian bitches - Yamaha

151: Language! - J. Price

152: Nobody follows rules in here anymore except for you, your mission companion and Elder Davies - PT

153: Why not? - J. Price

154: Nobody tell him

155: Tell me what? - J. Price

156: Nothing - K. Price

157: I’ll ask the mission president if you guys don’t tell me - J. Price

158: go ahead - neeley

159: Why would you say that Neeley - K. Price

160: He’ll probably find out soon anyway - PT

161: Will someone tell me what’s going on? - J. Price

162: you can send that letter whenever you want - neeley

163: Or just ask me - Yamaha

164: Okay, what happened? - J. Price

165: Come see me in person - Yamaha

**166: Do not tell Jack Price why we all break the rules because Kevin Price will never hear the end of it - K. Price**

**167: Like that time with the donut? - J. Price**

168: DO. NOT. USE. THE. RULE. MARKER. FOR. NOT. RULES!!!!

**169: Don’t ever mention the donut incident again please - K. Price**

170: Can someone please write down all the actual rules and give them to Elder McKinley - Yamaha

171: Why didn’t Elder McKinley ask himself - PT

172: He’s sitting near Elder Davis and has started a monotone yell - Yamaha

173: Someone get Elder Schrader to control his boyfriend - K. Price

174: Isn’t being gay a sin? Why are Elder Schrader and Elder Davis together? - J. Price

**175: The original district nine elders have decided that that rule is stupid and we’ve decided to ignore it - Elder Connor McKinley**

176: Nope that’s strange don’t sign your name it looks weird - PT

177: Is it because you’re in love with Elder Price?

178: JAMES I SWEAR TO HEAVENLY FATHER I WILL KILL YOU

179: I fear not death

180: I’ll send you to Elder BFN’s house for a day

181: No please don’t I’m sorry his stories suck

182: Who is Elder ‘BFN’? What does that stand for? - J. Price

183: Note for Elder Price 2.0: Do not go to the secluded area outside of town and ask for the General because 1: His tea kinda sucks and 2: His stories suck too and they get really detailed and believe me, you’ll have Hell Dreams about them for a month

184: Stop calling me Elder Price 2.0 - J. Price

185: Well you won’t let us call you Jack and Elder Price is Elder Price so we have nothing else to call you - PT

186: Elder McKinley I’ve written all the rules down and they’re in your office - K. Price

187: Thanks Kev <3

188: ELDER MCKINLEY IS IN LOVE WITH ELDER PRICE PASS IT ON

189: Fuck you James

190: Did you mean: Fuck Kevin Price

191: NO

192: ;;;;;))))) - K. Price

193: NO KEVIN DONT ENCOURAGE HIM NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN

194: That doesn’t make sense

195: Also what

196: Elder Church can I speak with you for a moment? - J. Price

**197: Jack Price is no longer allowed to go near the whiteboard this was our only solace and he’s invaded - K. Price**

198: Why aren’t I allowed here? - J. Price

199: You’ll understand when you’re older - PT

200: AYYYY 200 RULES

201: Most of these aren’t even rules

202: Hey who wants to have a board game night tonight? - PT

203: Me x2 x3 x4 x5 x6 x7 x8 x9 Okay I get it we’ll have a board game night tonight geez - PT

204: Please create a list of games on the old new whiteboard thanks - PT

205: We should make this a weekly thing. Like every saturday we can stay up later and have a board game night - K. Price

206: Great idea - PT

207: Yes

**208: Board Game Night is every Saturday**

209: Cool

210: Nice - K. Price

211: First we need to actually find all our board games that were listed - PT

212: They’re all in our room - Elder Davies

213: Why??? - K. Price

214: Our bedroom literally wasn’t a bedroom it was a storage room so there’s still board games in there - Elder Davies

215: So those noises I keep hearing from next door are you two playing board games, yes? - PT

216: Shut your mouth Poptarts - Elder Davies

217: Haha I just saw Elder Brown read that and he’s so flushed oh my god the poor man

218: Shut up Elder Church - Yamaha

219: Okay board game night will start at 9:00 pm so can someone make sure we have enough food and drinks to last the night - PT

220: Davis and I will go get stuff - Schrader

221: K thanks - PT

222: What is ‘The Book of Arnold’? I just found like ten copies in Elder Cunningham’s room - J. Price

223: Why were you in my room? - K. Price

224: I was trying to find you - J. Price

225: You’ll have to go find Arnold to talk about that. It’s very confusing - PT

226: Is that why Elder Davies, Elder Brown, Elder Krane and I aren’t allowed to go out? - J. Price

227: Who’s Elder Krane? - PT

228: My mission companion - J. Price

229: Oh that’s his name

230: Did nobody know this? - J. Price

231: we were never introduced properly - neeley

232: also elder schrader and elder davis are dating? i didn’t know this? - neeley

233: Yeah - Schrader

234: 1: i wrote that like 2 hours ago and 2: who asked who out?? - neeley

235: Davis asked me out - Schrader

236: h o w ? - neeley

237: He just told me that he liked me and asked if I wanted to date him - Schrader

238: it was more complicated than that but basically - elder davis

239: YOU TALK???? ELDER SCHRADER HAS HEARD YOU TALK??? - neeley

240: yeah? did you think i didn’t? - elder davis

241: i’m your mission companion and i have not heard you speak - neeley

242: oh. okay then - elder davis

243: BOARD GAME NIGHT STARTS IN 30 MINUTES - PT

244: WOOO - elder davis

245: LETS GOOOOOOO - K. Price

**Author's Note:**

> more chapters to come maybe. hope you liked it
> 
> follow me on tumblr for more shit like this maybe idk @arrowace13 (shameless self promo)


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